Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
