The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
