Apparently you make a good broom.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
