So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
