I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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