I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
