butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your face is a jimmy john
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
