I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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