Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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