During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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