I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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