Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
