similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
