MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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