Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
