dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
