i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
