they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
