It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
