"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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