i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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