Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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