Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
