The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
