why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
