I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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