Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
