Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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