It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
