Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
