Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
