he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
