This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
