see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
