Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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