im drinking this country out of the recession.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
