That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
