I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
