some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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