just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
