my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
