I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
