The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Two words: blizzard sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
