You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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