If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
