i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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