I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
