Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
