I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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