Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
